Other than looking like about the meanest motherfucker I've ever seen, I have no idea what this guy has to do with the topic at hand.

Since I appear to be one of those guys that girls like to talk to about the shit that happens in their lives but don't want to go out with, this is a major issue with me. Every day I hear about girls who have boyfriends / parents / pimps / clergymen who treat them like trash. Yet what do you think the one thing that binds these girls together is? That's right, they do nothing about it. How about instead of complaining about it to me, you wake up, get off your ass, and do something about it?

You have boyfriend / parent / pimp / clergyman problems? Generally I hear about three problems from girls. Below I will list those problems and what my suggestions are for dealing with them.

Problem: Not Paying Enough Attention
Solution: Don't pay attention to them. Play the childish game where you turn the person's fault back on them, so that they get the picture by taking their own medicine. This way they can't help but notice that you are displeased with them. Or you could do the logical thing and tell them how you feel. Either way would probably solve your problem of being attention starved, however, I recommend the first one, just for the sheer amusement factor. Note for all you whiny girls, either do something about it, or shut the hell up.

Problem: Emotional Abuse
Solution: How about whining to a third party who can't do anything about it? Why yes, that sounds like a great idea! Oh, wait. That's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. How about you talk to the person about what they are doing to you and if they don't stop, get away. Yes, that's right, you may just have to leave your abusive boyfriend / parent / pimp / clergyman behind. I know that the mere thought of this is enough to send you into violent convulsions, but it may be necessary.

Problem: Physical Abuse
Solution: Now, even I, the most callous person ever, find this to be a major offense in the "being a total asshole" department. While I would normally tell a person to go away if they start bitching to me about their pathetic lives, so I may go back to brooding over mine, the mention of physical abuse will set off my temper. There are two ways you can deal with physical abuse. The first one counts on the person not knowing that they are hurting you. If you think this is the case, let them know. If they do not stop or you think they know about the pain they are inflicting, you must call the police or some other external help. Now, let me make this clear: your friend Heather does not count as an external source of help. When I say "the police or some other external help" I really mean "the police and only the police." They can help you with this sort of thing. Oh, and give the person who is abusing you a good kick or shotgun blast to the nuts. Tell 'em it's from me.

I think that pretty much sums up my advice to all you clingy ladies out there that feel that for some reason or another "he's working on it" and it will all magically go away. Shit doesn't go away, you have to do something about it, or you'll look up in twenty-five years and realize you've been with the same asshole who's been beating you senseless for the last two and a half decades of your life. That life is already too short, don't waste it on trash like the one you're with now. If he's hurting you, either talk to him, or break it off and run away to live in a bomb shelter hidden in the Rocky Mountains.