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Sweet ride man, unique and tasteful.
Okay, what the hell is wrong with you people? Yeah, you people with the Hondas sporting all the cool stickers, huge ass spoilers, gay ground effects, strange lighting, and goofy ass paintjobs. That's right, you. There is no excuse to put that much money into a Honda. NONE. You know why? Because Hondas are economy cars. Not sports cars, not grand touring cars, not muscle cars. Economy cars. They're built for one purpose. Getting a person somewhere without using much gas. Not in style. Not fast. And not hugging the road. There, little gas. To commemorate the fagotry of anybody who does this to their car, I will cover the various steps.
1. The Stickers:
I routinely see cars driving around with huge windshield stickers. Not only do these advertise things that don't belong to you, but they also get in the way of your vision. Wow, where do I sign up. Earlier today I saw a lowered Honda Civic Hatchback with Honda Racing inscribed on a windshield sticker. Not only did this fag drive a Honda Civic Hatchback (a car with a muscular 130 horsepower), but he also got his vision blocked in return for advertising for a racing team that he doesn't belong to. This guy obviously was very cool.
2. The Spoiler:
Most of the spoilers that these idiots mount on the back of their cars are not even wind tunnel tested. You know what that makes them? Dead weight and parasitic drag. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, yes, less. It also makes them very tacky, as if they weren't already. When was he last time you saw a Honda streaking down the road at 190 miles per hour? Exactly. It's a good thing they have that retarded wing to hold them down. They look like a fucking jet plane or something. Not the fast kind. The economy passenger kind.
3. Ground Effects:
Not only do these inhibit performance, they also allow you to scrape your car accross the ground if you go around a corner and experience body roll, or if you happen upon a rogue speedbump. It's a good thing they have these ground effects to make these Hondas look fast, because they sure can't back it up based on performance.
4. Strange Lighting:
Now, invision you have a slow ass car that you've made look as ugly as possible with the previous three methods. What do you want to do with it? Hey, let's make it uglier! And attract attention to it! Whenever I see one of these inline-4 powered bumble-bee machines with neons on it, it makes me think of a UFO. Invariably, I end up afraid. Though whether it's for the future of automotives (which I love) or the future of mankind (because of the aliens), is a little hard to tell.
5. Goofy Paintjobs:
You know, back in the good old days of the muscle cars, owning a BRIGHT PINK ECONOMY CAR would be enough to get your ass kicked. I still believe that it should be grounds for an ass kicking. I mean seriously, what kind of asshole thinks it's seriously cool to paint their car pink, baby blue, bright yellow, or any of those colors? It makes their car look like it caught an embarassing vinerial disease, along with its owner.
Email me: tyler@childprogeny.com
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