This is my new image. Chicks dig the scythe.

That's right kiddies; I shall no more be known as plain-old Tyler. Henceforth, I shall be known as Mort. In the grand tradition of pasty ass skinny gothic punks, I have named myself after death. However, this time, it is slightly humorous, because it has a lead in. And it rhymes with wart. Mort, wart, get it? It rhymes. Nevermind.

Anyway, the lead in is this: In celebration of my new affiliation with death, I am being forced to do an advertisement for him. My means is different ways of killing somebody in the popular first person shooter, Counterstrike. So here we go, off to the wonderfully zany world of CS (that's an acronym that stands for Countstrike, for you non-nerds):

Means of Death: Knifing your opponent in the head.
Reaction: OMG OMG, YUO GOT PWNED< FAG! NIFE KILL, NIFE KILL!
Coolness Factor: 10 out of 10
Damage Done: Roughly that of being hit in the eye with an intercontinental ballistic missile.

Means of Death: Shooting your opponent with a Desert Eagle.
Reaction: None. Everyone is expected to use the Desert Eagle, lest their sexuality be questioned.
Coolness Factor: 5 out of 10
Damage Done: The same as if you were to shove someone off Hoover Dam. And then run them over with a cement mixer. Four times.

Means of Death: Shooting opponent with Elites.
Reaction: None, it's impossible to kill anyone with Elites.
Coolness Factor: 9 out of 10 (the harder to kill someone, the cooler)
Damage Done: Hitting someone in the back with a piece of mushy fecal matter.

Means of Death: Shooting person in the fingertip with AWP.
Reaction: OMG OMG, NOOB, WTF, ROFL, LOLOLOL.
Coolness Factor: 0 out of 10 (Killing someone with the AWP is considered about as cool as raping their pet guinea pig)
Damage Done: About the same as dropping the Crysler Building on someone's head.

Means of Death: Blowing them away with pump shotgun.
Reaction: THT WAZ FUKING C00L D00D!!1!
Coolness Factor: 7 out of 10
Damage Done: Slightly more than being hit in the groin with a potato launcher (in other words, it'll fucking hurt, but probably not kill you).