The Last Letter
of Sullivan Balloo
I suggest listening to
Ashokan Farewell while reading this letter. It makes it much more...ambient.
July 14, 1861
Washington, D.C.
Dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps
tomorrow, and lest I should not be able to write you again I feel impelled
to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more. I have
no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged,
and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American civilization now
leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those
who went before us through the blood and suffering of The Revolution, and
I am willing, perfectly willing, to lay down all my joys in this life to help
maintain this government and to pay that debt.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables
that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over
me like a strong wind and bears me irresistible with all those chains to the
battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you
come crowding over me and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you that
I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up
and burn to ashes the hopes and future years when, God willing, we might still
have lived and loved together and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood
around us.
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor
that when my last breath escapes me in the battle field, it will whisper your
name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How houghtless,
how foolish I have sometimes been! But, oh, Sarah - if the dead can come back
to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with
you in the brightest day and the darkest night - always, always. And when
the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath - with the cool air
your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn
me dead, think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.
(One week later, Major Sullivan Balloo was killed in the first battle of Bull
Run)